March 16, 2011
by Missy Smith
As a child, I would often sit and stare off into nowhere really. The silence and the aloneness was my best friend coupled with my pen and my journal. It was my Grandmother Martha, God rest her soul who use to always say chile’ you in that blueberry state of mind. I never knew then what she meant, but I do now. It was a place I allowed my mind to drift when the world got to be to much for me to handle. It was a magistical adventure I took myself mentally on. A world I made perfect. I would sit for hours and just dream, reflect. I loved writing as it soothed my soul and so I wrote about any and everything. I can remember when I was 8 this poem I wrote titled me.
Me, the me I wish I could somehow be
The me who sits for hours just staring
The me who wishes love would love me
The me who I right now wished I wasn’t
I kept that poem embedded deep within to always remind me of how things were back then. Growing into womanhood I learned how to mask my feelings. How to make people think I was ok when I really wasn’t. A nifty trick I had come to perfect. So much I wanted and needed to say until it started overcrowding my mind. My journals were brimming with reflection after reflection. I never thought then that what I had to say would be encouragement for others. I recall letting a friend read my thoughts and she told me in no uncertain terms, you need to publish this as it does not need to be kept hidden. Thus leading me here. I have finally after years taken her advice and have published my first book of reflections titled, Blueberry State of Mind, a collection of reflective truths. The title says it all. It is definitely what it states it is. This book is my personal journey to healing, overcoming and surviving. And so I encourage you all to get your copy of this book.
there you can also read a few of my reflections that were written from the age of 9 to now.
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